I work from home, but it’s rare that I actually feel that way. Each morning, I step into the studio, and it feels like the rest of our apartment disappears. The cozy, quiet morning turns into a scheduled day. Once J comes home, I wrap up and return to our ‘home’ … by that time, it’s dark outside, and the magical daylight coming through our curtains has gone.
Beyond the day to day, I have felt for a long time that this apartment hasn’t felt like home. It’s a lot like living in a dorm. Sure, I lived there, but it wasn’t my home. Home was cozy … the dorms were exciting, but my heart never connected. I feel like we’re in a weird limbo between our past life, and the new chapter here in Portland. That sounds so ridiculous, especially since I love this city so much. I know we’ve landed in the right place.
Our house hunting doesn’t officially start for two more months, and it can’t come soon enough. Maybe it’s a bit of cabin fever? I don’t mind living in 600 sqft., but I do miss having my own yard & grass to put my bare feet on. I miss walking onto my back porch and listening to the locusts sing (I really miss that … Portland is weirdly bug-less). I miss having my big maple trees that cast shadows on the walls throughout the day. While city living has so many amazing perks, I do miss the feeling of home that I haven’t felt here. I am so ready to buy a house that will really be ours. Apartment living feels like living in the in-between.
I’m a little under the weather this week. I rested yesterday, had a doctor’s appointment today. When I got home, I felt really at home … or at least more at home than I’ve felt lately. It was almost that little spark that I hope to feel when we find a house this summer. I lounged on the couch for a few minutes before heading back to work, and while I was sitting there, I realized the coziness of our little space. The coffee table was covered in the little things that make me so happy: homemade candles that we put so much love into making … a blanket that I’m knitting … a 1/2 empty cup of coffee in a handmade cup … my ukulele … handmade coasters from a tree in our old backyard. These things define us, and I am happy we’ve chosen to surround ourselves with a home that inspires us. So, while this place isn’t ideal, we have made it feel like us. Maybe that’s all that matters for now.
And, wouldn’t you know, Jimmy’s heart thrives in the city. He loves our little space … the busy neighborhood … the short walk to downtown … the liveliness of it all. I’ll follow him wherever his heart leads, and I wouldn’t trade our time we’ve spent in the city for anything. It’ll be a great chapter of our story. I am just really excited for the next.