I was sitting here working, and I just had a few thoughts I wanted to share.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the fact that this journey we’re on together is the last time I’ll ever carry a baby in my body. You are the bookmark to our family …
The first half of this pregnancy was rough – so rough, and I didn’t really take the time to really think about how important all of the first moments were.
When we went to our first ultrasound in December, I was so anxious to see you … within a few seconds, I saw your little peanut shaped body, and your tiny heart flickering. In that moment, we felt such relief (and it felt so much more real than before). Of course, now it seems like that was a lifetime ago …
In January, we saw you again. This time, you looked more like a human. We got reassurance that everything looked to be developing just as it should. It was around this time that we started talking about names … trust me, I had some really cool ones for you, but your dad vetoed them all! Dads!
Over the next few months, our life had some major turns that we weren’t expecting. The biggest: we learned we’d be moving. I always imagined we’d have both of our babies in our previous home (where I had your sister), but due to the nature of our city, the house wasn’t a sustainable option for our future. At first, it seemed scary, but now that we’ve settled into our new place, things are feeling just like they should. I’ve been finding myself imagining your birth, and organizing spaces just for you.
In March, we saw you one more time (likely, the last ultrasound we’ll have), and I could tell a few things … mainly, that your profile looks different from your sister’s. I’ve always had this idea that our kids would all look the same (since your dad’s genes are so strong), but now I realize you might take after my family! After all of the name vetoing, your dad went and did something pretty cool: he found the name! I think you’ll love it. Oh yeah, we found out your sex. With your sister, we didn’t know until she was born. This time, it was a way to connect with you (especially for your sister – she’s pretty excited and talks about you all of the time). For me, it was a much-needed bright spot in the 5 months of extreme morning sickness I had been experiencing. We’re waiting until your birthday to tell everyone … afterall, for now, you are just our baby – no expectations beyond just being your wonderful self. With that said, your sister tells everyone about you, so it’s really only a matter of time before everyone knows. I promise we’ll wait to share your name – you’ll get to do your own bit of surprising on your birthday.
Since March, life has been a blur … we’ve hosted your Gigi and your YaYa … we’ve moved … we’ve been doing a ton of house and garden work … we’ve been chasing your sister around (she’s a wild one). Now it’s June, and we’re so close to meeting you. We fly to Indiana this week, and then once we’re home, we get to settle in to wait for you.
I hope that I get a little better at writing down these moments that mean so much, but really, I’m just so grateful for the experience of carrying you with me. Even though I might not have as much time to write down my thoughts, I do think of you all of the time. I’m so excited to hold you … to meet you … to learn all about you! You keep doing your baby thing – you seem pretty good at it so far. Only 8ish more weeks, baby. We can do this!
PS, we still can’t think of a middle name. Maybe you could send us a sign. That would be awesome.